Skeletons in the Closet
by Julia Claire
Summary: James Potter has some Skeletons in the Closet, literally, a party to throw, and the help of his  blackmailed  sister.  So things aren't going particularly well...  Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: Written for the Surprise Competition at the Hogwarts Online Forum. The prompts that needed to be used were, "Oh, wow," "Turn around," "Surprise," "Stop fighting and listen to me for a second," and "Thank you."**

**Skeletons in the Closet**

"James..." The light flickered on. "Wakey-wakey..."

He moaned, so she came in and pulled his covers off.

"Lily!" he protested. "It's too early!"

"It's _noon_!"

"I went to bed late." He sat up, glaring at her.

"Because you were out partying," she said, in the sing-song voice that annoyed him so much, "the only thing you ever do, besides 'working' with Uncle George -"

"Go away - "

"Stop fighting and listen to me for a second," a third voice said.

Lily grimaced, looking at the parrot in the corner. "I'll never understand why you wanted that thing, instead of an owl. Its impression of Dad is uncanny!"

He smirked. "You should hear - "

"You damn kids!"

" - his impression of Mum."

She laughed. "Speaking of Mum and Dad, its their twentieth anniversary tonight. They took Al to some Ministry luncheon, but we're probably going over to the Burrow for dinner - "

Suddenly, he remembered something. "Oh no!"

What?"

"I told Grandma _I'd _throw the party this year!"

"Well," she said, leaving the room, "Good luck with _that_."

"Lily!"

He heard her laughing. Little sisters were the worst.

* * *

He had to agree to make her grilled cheese before she'd even listen to him, which she said was only fair because she was underage and couldn't do magic, but he thought was ridiculous, because that had never stopped her before.

"Look," he said. "Grandma came over last week to starting planning for the party, when I was the only one here. She wanted to go look in one of the closets for something, but that was where I hid - well, it doesn't matter. The only thing I could think of was that we wanted to plan a party this year, just ourselves, and she said that was so sweet, and stopped looking." He looked at her. "What could I have done?"

"Actually planned a party?"

"I forgot."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. What did you hide, anyway?"

"That's none of your business - "

"Good point," she said. "I dunno why I'm even listening to this -"

"You have to help me!" he said, desperately, shaking her shoulders. "If Grandma finds out - "

"No," she said. "I already got them a present."

"You have to! Or else..."

"Or else what?" she asked, leaning in close. "You'll tell Uncle Percy that _I'm _the one who Transfigured his socks into crabs, that one time? You'll tell the Malfoys that _I'm_ the one who stole their stupid peacock?" She laughed. "I'm not scared."

Suddenly, it came to him, the one and only thing that did scare the shit out of Lily. "You'll help, or I'll tell Lysander you fancy him."

She tried to laugh it off. "Go ahead. It's not like it's true..."

"Whatever you say, Lil. I reckon I'll go Floo over there right now..."

He'd not taken five steps from the stove when she folded. "Fine. But you better watch you back, James Pott - "

"Come on, it won't be so bad. Even we can manage - " He stopped. "What's that smell?"

"Turn around," she said grimly.

He did. The grilled cheese was on fire.

* * *

Pass me the streamers, will you?" Lily said an hour later. "You'd better go check on that cake."

"What cake?"

"The cake I told you to put in the oven!"

"You never - "

She ran into the kitchen. "James! It's still lying on the counter!"

"Oops."

"Have you done _anything_ yet?"

"I made a sign." He pointed feebly.

"Oh, wow," she said sarcastically. "You made a sign... So they'll be home any minute, and we may only have streamers, cake batter, and a bowl of peanuts, but at least we have a _sign." _She sighed. "I'll go get some pictures."

He nodded, looked around the kitchen himself, and deciding it was hopeless, helped himself to some peanuts.

A moment later, he heard muffled screams.

"Lily?" he called, running towards her, where he found her, struggling with two pale, robotic figures that had grabbed her and seemed to be trying to pull her into the closet.

"James?" she gasped. "Was Grandma by any chance looking for pictures of their wedding when she came over?"

"Er," he said. "Oh - yeah, she was, actually."

"Well, thank you." She aimed a kick at one of the figures. "Thank you so damn much."

"What's going on here?" It was their mum, looking extremely anger, Al and their dad behind her.

"Um," James said. "Surprise?"

His parents rushed past him, intent on freeing Lily. When they had done so, however, his mum turned on him. "What in the name of Merlin were _those_ things - "

"Skeletons in the Closets from Weasleys' Wizard - "

"So why are they _here_?"

"It's the Ministry's fault!" he said, frantically, "They wouldn't let us sell these or even produce them anymore, because they said they were dangerous and I wanted one and - it was ridiculous!"

Ginny and Lily looked too angry to speak. Harry closed his eyes.

"Well," Albus said, for once being the only one will something to say. "Their concerns about them potentially killing someone do seem to be rather legitimate."


End file.
